'The Winds of Change Are Blowin'

by Helen Hall, MEd

The winds of change blow from all directions
….. and our health habits are challenged when they do.

I have a personal account of how this can affect our health adversely. It is not coming from a professional advice standpoint - that is NOT my area of expertise. It is simply my account of my own journey which may offer some insights to others.

I have been so challenged in recent months that I thought it worthwhile to review and share how your health coach deals with stress. Well .... actually .... it is an account of how I didn't deal with stress but you will benefit from my experience. It is my hope that you don’t have to go all the way (as I did) to the brink before getting help to recover.

Let me say … right up front … that I am human.

I know …. that is a complete shock to some. And so … speaking as a human … I share with you some of my frailties in a very candid way. Again the lesson is in noticing all of our frailties and learning how to thrive despite them.

• The role modelling.
• The patterning.
• The “do as others do and you will be loved”.
• The “do this” – “don’t do that” to be a “good girl”.
• We all want to be loved. So … this is what children do. They adopt the acceptable patterns and behaviours.
• I was a good girl.
• AND I was loved.

These are the patterns that we install in our formative years. They become the modality through which we navigate all our life experiences. When the going is good, we don't notice them so much. When the boat starts rocking, it seems, we find that some of those patterns and modes of operation are NOT useful. Here is my insight.

Fast forward 50 years!

The winds of change are howling.
Someone has me in a snow globe and is shaking the heck out of it. Everything is getting the shake up. My relationship – gone. My dogs (my kids) – gone. My lifestyle – gone. My financial security – gone. My place called home – gone.

Is there anything in the path of this blizzard that is still standing?

I have been in this shaken (not stirred) snow globe for 5 months. Some say it is my Autumn life change in preparation for my Winter. I can live with that. I might as well because I cannot turn back the tide – can’t un-toll the bell. I am ON this ride.

What I have learned from this experience and what I share with you for your health benefit (should you find yourself in a shaking snow globe) is that there are coping mechanisms that can be learned and adopted. I didn't learn them in my childhood and certainly didn't learn them at school. I did a crash course in my late 40's.
I wish I had learned them before I actually NEEDED them.

How did I cope with all this change?

Basically .... not well.
Like a lot of people in similar snow globes, the shock of being IN one, knocks your socks off - literally. For me, I plummeted into the depths of despair, fear and depression. One of the many thousands of interesting observations that I have made during this period in my life is that ‘the basement level’ of despair has another level below it – and another – and another. It seems that we can’t start climbing out of this pit until our feet hit the absolute bottom. - at least that is how it unfolded for me.

What happened to my health habits while I was sliding
down the tube?

(now I understand the true meaning of the saying, “down the tube”)

Health habits? Ha!
They were nowhere to be found. I reverted back to my very old and very entrenched patterns of coping. Those patterns that were established all those decades ago as a child: fear of failing, fear of being alone, fear of trusting myself, fear of opting out, and a fear of being unlovable.

Behaviourally these showed up like:

• Working hard so as not to think or feel
• Getting into my adrenaline (survival) mode of energy
• NOT resting or sleeping
• NOT eating or providing nourishment to my body
• Drinking alcohol in excess every chance I got
• Thinking about drugs as a solution – a lot (I didn’t go there)

Who is Helen?
I could answer WHAT is Helen?
But I couldn't answer WHO is Helen?

Let's face it. All of those actions are self-abusive avoidance strategies - bandaids to help get through time.

There is nothing healing about them.

Do they help you answer the big questions? No.

Do they help you move forward with growth, self awareness and confidence? No way - Jose!

They only serve to ‘get through time’ in a mind numbing, robotic way. I was on the avoidance treadmill, ‘amping up’ the speed and intensity but still going nowhere.

When you are in that mode, what do you do when you notice that you aren’t going anywhere? If you have been in this state, you will know the answer: “go harder”.

Most of the actions are numbing – a sort of anaesthetic – all of them short term. When the effect subsided and the pain was actually felt again in my body, I would leave it – abandon myself. My motto of the time was if you can’t stand the heat, get out – abandon the painful sucker.

Fortunately for me, there was a glimmer of consciousness that begged me to come back into my body. The unanswered questions, despite my efforts to ignore them, are still there when you ‘come up for air’ – which you must do eventually.

I got professional help.
Sometimes we need to get the help of a skilled professional.
I needed that kind of help to see the trees in the forest.

One of the big lessons I got when my feet eventually hit the bottom of the pit and found the ladder to climb up again is that we are NOT the reflection of our accomplishments. When we look in the mirror, we see ourselves - not our accomplishments. We do NOT need such crutches in order to stand erect.

We are not a confident and competent person just because we:

• Have a successful business
• Have a gorgeous home
• Have a partner – husband – wife – for years
• Have children
• Have a busy day that makes us feel important
• Have important meetings to attend

In fact, when all those things are blown away, what you have left is YOU. If you don’t know YOU as a sole entity, when the winds of change start howling, you will be hitting the tube and doing the ride that I did – DOWN.

Here is what I have come to know.
We stand erect because we have a skeletal and muscular system that supports us – a spine, functional strength, connective tissue, WITH functional mental and emotional capacities. You see … with these in a healthy state, you can be in ANY snow globe … not just the one you have been in for the past 40 or 50 years. In fact, you can globe hop and feel ‘at home’ in any globe.

Time to focus on our good health habits.
The times when we find ourselves sliding down the tube is EXACTLY the time when we need to focus on our good health habits. Hard to do – I know. It is those times when we need to be kind to ourselves and provide good nutrition and hydration – probably more than ever. This is when friends and loved ones can help you by reminding you or helping you do this daily. Believe me, it is impossible to take care of yourself if you have abandoned yourself. You need outside help.

The stress and emotional turmoil that you are dealing with is sapping your brain and body of essential vitamins and minerals. Without these being replaced through food and hydration, you go into a ‘sick’ head space (sorry, I don’t know how else to describe it but if you have ever been there, you will know what I am referring to). That ‘sick’ head space then puts the rocket fuel into the slide down the tube. It might feel good for a while – the current moment – but it does not serve you long term.

In fact, it becomes a revolving door – you have to go around again the next day just to feel some comfort. The key to your physical and emotional health is to get OFF the revolving door cycle. But first you have to stop it - hard to do when you are ON it.

This ‘sick’ head space is a risky place to be. You start believing that this is what life is really like/reality and then your self-dialogue kicks in to support that belief and then you stack up the evidence to convince yoruself it is true. (I told you it was a ‘sick’ head space) Around and around you go with this belief pattern until someone has the courage to put a foot in the revolving door.

Very few people have the courage to do this. Very few even see the critical importance and timing of doing it. Still others don’t see the opportunity when to do it. I was blessed to have two extraordinary people who did this for me - as often as I needed it - without judgement. For their love and insightful caring, I am eternally grateful. A lot of people run away when they see the storm. They didn't. They had the courage to move toward it. I don't know where I would be if they had not moved toward my storm.

NOW the BIG lesson for you.

I could have made it easier for them (and others) to help me. With a little more self awareness of what I was doing self abusively, and a willingness to ask and receive help, I could have done this ‘growth period’ of my life very differently. I hope you will learn from my slide and do it differently.

SEEK SUPPORT FROM OTHERS (rather than the solution)

Remember … this is YOUR journey. Nobody else can provide a solution for you. What they can provide is support for you while you find your way in the blizzard. It is worthwhile keeping your radar tuned for the crutches at this time also. Some people who are uncomfortable with seeing you in pain, try to fix your pain. They rush in with the crutches. Sure, it will stop the immediate pain, but it is really just a bandaid. The deep pain will work its way out to the surface eventually so you might as well deal with it right now.

Pain is an integral part of growth, it seems.

Unresolved issues and emotional trauma will always find a way to have its presence felt. It might even choose an unhealthy expression. Our body and its health are inextricably linked to a healthy lifestyle as well as your thought-style. If you have emotional trauma that is affecting your thought patterns, it will show up (sooner or later) as a disease (or dis-ease) state in your body.
If you have a snow globe experience, the best thing you can do for your health is to identify and own the surging emotions and allow them to flow out from you. The stiff upper lip approach of stuffing them down and putting on a good face is unhealthy and will cause blocked and stuck states – including stuck health. Get help with this because there are others far more skilled than us who can help at an objective level.

Oh – by the way ….

Speaking from personal experience ... the ladder that you climb to get up out of the pit is a slippery sucker. You may slip back down a few times before you climb high enough to even see daylight. Simply notice these and trust that because you have found the ladder once – you will be able to reach out for it again – and again - and again.

In closing …. I summarize

When the "you know what" hits the fan or
when the winds of change roar though your life and you are overwhelmed and facing your fears

• do whatever it takes to keep up some good health habits
  - it is understandable that some will lapse - that is why we need to ensure we have a substantial health bank from which to draw
• you might have to focus on just ONE - which is better than NONE
• ask your friends and loved ones to help you take good care of yourself
• seek professional help without judgement of what you think you should be able to do alone - that is why they are there
• stay in close contact with your best buddies - they will help you see the light when the tunnel goes dark
• let go of any expectations you might have about the length of time your healing should take - it will take the time it takes (so I have learned :(

Thank you for following along with me. I sincerely hope that I have given you some insightful tools to pick up should you need them now or in the future.

Winds blow.
Pages turn.
Life is long.
Find yourself.
Be yourself.
Be true to you.
And health will be your partner for the duration of your lifelong journey.

Helen's Book: Lose Fat, Gain Health